Postpartum depression is a real thing. It is nasty, it is fierce and it will ruin a woman (and her family) in the time you can change a dirty diaper. What they don't tell you during pregnancy, is that postpartum anxiety is AS nasty, fierce and ruinous.
I was at my 6 week appointment, following the birth of my beautiful baby girl, when they handed me this piece of paper. It looked like a multiple choice test; each question asked me something about my mood and/or behavior and I was to rank each one on a scale of 0-4. The higher my score, the more likely I was to have postpartum depression... OK... "Do you feel like harming yourself?" 0. "Have you had thoughts of harming your baby?" 0. "Do you cry for more than 3 hours a day?" 3 hours? Uh... no. 0. There was a series of 10 questions or so, and only on one did I answer higher than a 0: "Do you blame yourself for things?" 1.
No questions about vicious anger, a desire to run away, guilt about being an inadequate parent, guilt about being an inadequate wife, or the paralyzing fear I felt every time my child was out of my sight for more than 30 seconds. So, maybe those things were normal? They weren't on the survey! What did that say about me?! Well now I am sure that what I'm feeling must be normal "new mom bullshit" so maybe I won't bring it up. What if they call social services? Ok... Ok, stay cool.
I went into my appointment, and handed them the piece of paper. My blood pressure was a little high. Great. Now I'm having a stroke. My doctor came in and he was oh so wonderful. Having a good doctor is important. My cervix is closing and my uterus feels great. Excellent, that must mean I am healthy and everything is normal right? Wait are they going to ask me about my quiz? Yes. Oh... they said I am good. Ok. Well maybe I'll mention that the other night I cried for just 1 hour, not 3... but it was just that one time so maybe it is normal.
Right?
I failed their test. Or rather, that piece of paper, their "Postpartum Depression Survey" failed me.
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