Breastfeeding Part 2

As I sit here writing this, I realize that my inability to breastfeed is probably 50% of the reason I developed postpartum anxiety to the extent that I did (uh, coherent?). Breastfeeding is one of those things that I thought I would have no trouble doing. I knew how to change a diaper, bathe a newborn, get a baby to sleep and swaddle. I took birth classes and felt prepared to bring a baby into this world the old fashioned way. I felt confident that I would be able to have my baby sleeping through the night by 12 weeks (she does!). So never in my wildest dreams did I think that I wouldn't be able to produce enough milk to nourish my offspring.

The issue I have with the world is this: there are not enough resources for moms who have trouble BFing or who choose not to. If you google blogs about babies and feeding them 90% are about breastfeeding and how glorious and wonderful it is. You have to really know how to trick the google gods to get a result for a formula feeding mom. Or wait, is it just that formula feeding moms don't put it out there that the formula feed? The best, and possibly only, resource I found was Fearless Formula Feeder. She provides practical knowledge about feeding your baby formula and support for those who choose/have to.

Speaking with moms on message boards and moms in real life I learned quickly that there is a feeling of shame associated with formula feeding for many moms. The problem here is that formula feeding is way more common than LLLI wants you to believe, and just like BFing moms need support, so too do FFing moms. How do you know when to increase ounces? What are the signs to look for for a formula intolerance? When do you know to try a new nipple flow? Should you hold your baby back or more upright? Unless you are going to call your pediatrician every time you have a question, it would be helpful to have more resources for FFing moms. I know the BFing community would be bullshit about this, because then it might seem like we are encouraging FFing feeding (and who cares if we do?!), but it's really unfair that FFing moms are so often left in a dark place, alone, feeling ashamed. 

No, I never in my wildest dreams thought my first baby would be exclusively on formula by 10 weeks, but you know what, she was. And she is really fucking cute, healthy and will grow up to be whatever she wants to be because what she eats today won't matter on her college application. What will matter is that she had parents who loved her, encouraged her to be curious about the world and learn, and who supported her in achieving her dreams. Who cares what she ate as an infant? And who's business is it of anyone's to judge me or her for that? I wish there were more resources for moms like me, because even if I know there is no shame, I still feel like I have to explain why I am formula feeding every time someone asks. Ugh.